Don't make out with my wife yet
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
