After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize