I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
