i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize