It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize