So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
