I'm passing your future prison.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
