so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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