I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
