I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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