i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize