just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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