Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
