who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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