Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Small penises have feelings too.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
