my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
