Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
