is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
