my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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