It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
