Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
