Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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