I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
