ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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