As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
