you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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