A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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