RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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