I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize