I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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