Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
