see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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