I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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