i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
