so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
