three words: i give head
three words: not that well
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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