Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You left your phone here
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