My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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