So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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