Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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