it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
