he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
