Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
