So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
