Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
