I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
