I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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