awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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