I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
