Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Im part way to drunk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
