Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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