So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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