Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
