you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
