I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize