Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
