THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
