i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
