I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
