I wish I could teleport
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
