Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
