Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
