Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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