did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
