I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
