you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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