we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
