Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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