Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
