the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Michael Bay diarrhea
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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