If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
