i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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